If I were the Devil

Apr 18, 2011 by ChurchMedic

Here are some things I would do…

• I would convince pastors and other church leaders, (Denominational folks etc.) that to focus on Quality and not Quantity.   One quality saved soul is much better than 100 nominally saved souls …   It is the Quality of your message, the Quality of your Discipleship and not the Quantity of the people you reach with the Gospel Message.    I would teach them to criticize the Mega Churches, the Evangelists, and others who are reaching large numbers for Christ and convince them to take pride in the fact they are reaching virtually no one.  Heaven is a hard place to get in after all -  you gotta work to get there !
• Once they have bought into the Quantity portion I would work with others to begin attacking the Quality portion… I would convince church leaders that the quality of their worship services do not need to be Church 2.0 but rather lectures only.   No Audio, No Video, No blogging or Twitter or Text Messages during or after the service…  Share nothing !
• CONVINCE PASTORS TO DREAM SMALL:  Deal with everything first – inside the walls of your church.   Going outside of this is to much of a daunting task!   You have so much that needs to get done that you need to master all of those things long before you could ever Dream Big with your ministry…  You after all are no Billy Graham!
• Dear Pastor -  Don’t you know that politics are the most important thing in ministry!     Who get’s elected is not just pre-ordained by God – but YOU HAVE INFLUENCE!     After all your freedoms to worship – to not pay taxes – to do what you want are at stake!  What happens if you can no longer talk about all these gods you worship -   (you know the church, the people, the new steeple, the new worship style, …  all that stuff )
• HEY YOU _ CHRISTIAN —  STAY OUT OF THE WORLD -    Going into the world will only pollute your mind.    You after all are not an apostle – You are not Jesus – You cannot make a difference if you begin liking the things of this world !    Attack everything in the world – and do so always -   don’t worry those that are called will still come and those that don’t like it were never meant to be saved anyhow.
• Reformers must unite and work together to let all the other nominal Christian groups know they are wrong and are hopelessly going to Hell.    Go ahead and fight these points – hate each other -   you will forget about me and my work while I silently sit in your pews, in your Sunday School classes and small groups like a lion dressed as a lamb eating all up…..   It’s okay not to celebrate the fact that Jesus after all Died for all of you.
• Attack blogs of fellow Christians and other ministries – after all they are not yours and the collection plate is only so small in this economy after all!
• Dear Christian – it is okay that your pastor preaches from books other than the Bible -   He learns better that way.   Faith comes by hearing and hearing by the words of — well just words !   God inspires all kinds of things anyhow …  you don’t need that bible anymore…
• Hey church goer – your pastor doesn’t have a personal walk with Christ – They simply do ministry and forget about spending time with God in thought, in the Word and prayer….     Hey Pastor -  it is okay to use ministry work for your personal walk – no one will ever know.    Your doing ministry after all – and hey did you ever see Jesus spend time talking to His father…
• Pastor – your church sucks !   So get your leaders together and start looking for other churches that suck so you can tell others -   put the blame elsewhere !
• Boycotting Funerals of Fallen soldiers is what we call EFFECTIVE EVANGELISM! -   Keep it up and people will know you as BAPTIST!
• FORGET ABOUT SCRIPTURE -   Proper exegesis makes no sense in today’s world.   Just begin making stuff up – and when that fails – write a book about your doubts with Biblical Theology.    Don’t apologize for the new gospel -  just apologize for the OLD Gospel – after all accepting Christ is hard enough work to do.
• Pastor -  your next placement will be better -    Don’t dig roots in the community,  don’t focus on relationships – after all relationships are the lifeblood of any community – but this community stinketh – and you deserve better!
• Hey church attendee – how come your pastor has not settled in?   Why does he always focus on this Jesus guy and not the issues causing such problems in society.
• The King James Bible is the only Word of God -  Can’t you see the RED LETTERS !     (or was it the NIV this week, or the ESV) … hmmm    forget this bible thing and just use a few books – they are easier than all that Greek and Hebrew  translated stuff anyhow.

Those are just a few things…

- a brief note – i have been collecting these for some time – many are not my own thought but pretty interesting